A Love Story

“Late have I loved you
Beauty so ancient so new
Late have I loved you
You were within me
But I was outside you
And it was there 
That I searched for you

…And it was there
That you found me…

You called and you shouted
You broke through my deafness
You flashed and you shone
Dispelled all my blindness
I drew in your breath
And I keep on breathing
I’ve tasted and seen
Now I want more
Cause you breathed your fragrance on me

Late have I loved you…” – St. Augustine

The ultimate love story is between us and God’s never-ending pursuit to love us.

I have been a “Christian” for almost twenty years. It has come with its ups and downs. Not because of God, but because of my human ways. The most amazing thing that has always dumbfounded me is how much He continues to love me. These past few months God has really been pursuing this blocked part of my heart. The part that doesn’t want to accept that a just and holy God loves me regardless of my past and what I may do in the future. He has placed people, books, songs, bible verses, songs, etc. in my path to remind me that there is nothing that I can do that will make Him love me more and I find that fact so hard to accept.

We are human do-ers, not human beings. People like us because of what we can do for them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that every friendship, relationship, or marriage is this completely selfish act, but we look to actions to decipher our own worth, or someone else’s. Therefore, I find it very difficult to find myself to be able to rest in this truth that I can’t do anything for God to forgive me, except to humble myself under His gracious and loving hand. In this world (or at least in the United States) we are almost expected to be these “super humans” who are completely independent of one another and so maybe this is why this aspect of being a Christian has been so hard for me. Why do I struggle with accepting God as this loving God?

When I “strayed” from God through my college years and even into my mid-20’s, I always knew God had my heart. His love continued to seek me even when I pushed Him away time and time again.  The hardest part about being a Christian is making the same mistake over and over. The second most difficult part of being a Christian (for me at least) is finally realizing why I have made the same mistake over and over is because I haven’t given Him control of that part of my life where I seem to fail time after time; I haven’t allowed Him to take my burden and to let Him mold my heart into the image of His own.

I am finding great peace in my soul because I am allowing Him to transform my heart; to accept His love, which in turn will allow me to love others unconditionally. Just as He has done for me…

Thank you, Lord, for your unconditional love and for never giving up on my soul.

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